Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Come see our sink grown plant.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
