Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs