The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize