just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
