brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
