I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
