Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  The maid of honor just puked.

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  (312): The maid of honor just puked. http://tfl.nu/qiyl
  Replies (5) Good night (2177) Bad night (1396)
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  (510): View more from California

  I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...

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  (510): I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring... http://tfl.nu/set0
  Replies (80) Good night (2900) Bad night (8316)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I smell stomach acid.

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  (304): I smell stomach acid. http://tfl.nu/n8wy
  Replies (13) Good night (864) Bad night (2941)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.

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  (281): Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body. http://tfl.nu/21yt
  Replies (21) Good night (4342) Bad night (591)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.

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  (613): i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice. http://tfl.nu/jk56
  Replies (29) Good night (5873) Bad night (1461)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  What'd you guys eat?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Literally everything that was frozen.

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  (918): What'd you guys eat? (1-918): Literally everything that was frozen. http://tfl.nu/igjp
  Replies (8) Good night (4185) Bad night (935)
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  (845): View more from New York

  just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in

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  (845): just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in http://tfl.nu/l275
  Replies (5) Good night (4166) Bad night (1509)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?

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  (708): I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer? http://tfl.nu/8pri
  Replies (9) Good night (939) Bad night (1986)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.

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  (817): Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots. http://tfl.nu/sx8s
  Replies (6) Good night (456) Bad night (1490)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.

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  (617): Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee. http://tfl.nu/9xkv
  Replies (2) Good night (2171) Bad night (541)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.

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  (509): I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition. http://tfl.nu/x5ll
  Replies (4) Good night (1477) Bad night (550)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER

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  (434): THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER http://tfl.nu/7inm
  Replies (8) Good night (977) Bad night (539)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.

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  (+44): She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn. http://tfl.nu/qwtm
  Replies (0) Good night (638) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  Happy birthday, America.

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  (913): Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there. (1-913): Happy birthday, America. http://tfl.nu/2w6l
  Replies (3) Good night (704) Bad night (249)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.

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  (479): I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap. http://tfl.nu/23la
  Replies (4) Good night (579) Bad night (442)

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