I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.