So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
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Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....