And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other