Texts From Last Night

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight

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  (573): she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight http://tfl.nu/znt4
  Replies (27) Good night (6587) Bad night (919)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises

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  (905): So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises http://tfl.nu/ed2j
  Replies (15) Good night (1628) Bad night (801)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  i cant believe jose lima did steroids

  (281): View more from Texas

  apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball

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  (713): i cant believe jose lima did steroids (281): apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball http://tfl.nu/yhdf
  Replies (13) Good night (2232) Bad night (2437)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face

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  (412): When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face http://tfl.nu/tsxz
  Replies (16) Good night (4240) Bad night (1442)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense

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  (440): i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense http://tfl.nu/65hc
  Replies (23) Good night (1901) Bad night (5589)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.

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  (815): Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight. http://tfl.nu/jud2
  Replies (14) Good night (5126) Bad night (721)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"

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  (204): you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun" http://tfl.nu/u1ro
  Replies (34) Good night (7544) Bad night (1139)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.

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  (229): please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room. http://tfl.nu/c4g1
  Replies (19) Good night (7442) Bad night (1074)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.

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  (727): remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes. http://tfl.nu/1odp
  Replies (0) Good night (1484) Bad night (928)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now

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  (604): yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now http://tfl.nu/b5id
  Replies (8) Good night (496) Bad night (1096)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.

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  (337): Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm. http://tfl.nu/b44z
  Replies (7) Good night (504) Bad night (755)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.

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  (610): we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty. http://tfl.nu/7ebu
  Replies (3) Good night (562) Bad night (791)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror

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  (307): A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror http://tfl.nu/ozj2
  Replies (14) Good night (995) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option

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  (412): I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option http://tfl.nu/ggjd
  Replies (1) Good night (432) Bad night (260)
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  (805): View more from California

  I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.

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  (805): I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever. http://tfl.nu/ftkt
  Replies (1) Good night (357) Bad night (294)

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