I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He passed out mid-signature
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night