We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?