ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
