just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
