Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
