Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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