Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
me + whiskey = a bad person
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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