i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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