Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
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