Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize