Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Randomize
