A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
