My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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