Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
