Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
