tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
