i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
