My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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