just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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