FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
