Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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