dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
