they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
