I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
