She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
