My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
