I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
