He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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