So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
