I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
