I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
