He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
