its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
