just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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