As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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