Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
