Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
