It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
