When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Someone signed my nipple.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
