She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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