Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
