Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
