It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
