Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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