the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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