i think my mom watched the whole time
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
