capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
