ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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