i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
