party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize