Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Are we still banned from the library?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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