good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
