Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
