im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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