The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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