Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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