You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
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Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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