The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
