It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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