Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm too high and old for this...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
