You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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