Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
