I'm drive I can fine osifer
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
