I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
