sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
