Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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