honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
