please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
